How do you know what is important?

What strikes me, sitting here at my desk with the paraphernalia of my life around me is how carefree I felt on my Namibia trip, despite everything. I think I was carefree because I had no more than the basics and was not in any position to change that (try as I might). We start life in that mode and then somehow we learn that various things are ‘desirable’. I am as guilty, if not more so, than many people. Having a large house, a nice car and a good income appeared to be the things to strive for as proof of ‘success’ and I’ve pretty much lived that way for the last twenty years. Perhaps even more so as a single women it has seemed important to show that I can exist in my own right not just at the average level but on a level that competes with those around me to whom I compare myself (silly, silly mistake) and these are mostly men. But does my life have meaning? It had significant meaning, at one point, when I thought that I had succeeded in winning (interesting word don’t you think) everything I wanted but which turned out, in the way of things, to be no more than a mirage and which disappeared before my very eyes and with as little trace. And so I’ve filled that vacuum, that empty space, with activity and in mitigation of my choice much of which has had merit (not for me the vacuity of shopping) and yet I still vacillate. But between what? Between the drive for high achievement and the need to just stop and let someone else take care of me for a change. But the risk of the latter choice is great and the outcome unpredictable and so I chose the path of least resistance which strange as it might seem continues to be independence, both emotionally and financially. I believe that we have to supply the meaning to our own life, to be active in our decision making, not passive, and to do things for ourselves. It is not the way to an easy life, only a worthwhile one and it is up to us as individuals to decide what really matters and what we want to make of our life with those 254,360 hours we have going. Involvement and fulfillment. It all sounds so very easy but I still haven’t decided which nevertoolate activity to do next. And they say indecision is fatal, so really I’m buggered.

Comments

[Richard]

I'll give thought to this when I have a drink later on.
Cheers,
Richard