OK, that's enough

The two week battle with my garden is over and I sit like a victor on my terrace surveying the results of the carnage and my newly reclaimed territory. It was at times a bloody and close fought thing with casualties on both sides but in the end there could be only one and I, the victor, sit back and enjoy the fruits of victory in the shape of a gin and tonic and a bowl of mini pretzels. As anticipated, the skip was insufficient for the job – I can’t quite believe I really needed an 8 cubic yard builders skip for my garden waste – but it seems like I did and my baby version sits on my drive, packed to the gunnels (I climbed in and jumped up and down on it with abandon in an attempt to fit more in) whilst another pile of garden residue sits beside it, fully 8 feet long by 4 feet wide and at least 4 feet high. That’s 128 cu. feet of rubbish that somehow has to disappear and remarkably I am still not finished. How much is this garden prepared to give up? How much energy have I got left for this? How long can my knees take it? And what really beats me is that give it a couple of weeks of inattention and it all grows back. Sometimes I can really see the value in concrete.

But what it has done, this sustained and determined effort, is to get me kickstarted out of my state of lethargy and inertia. Down at the garden centre for 8.30 in the morning? No problem. Still in the garden at 9.30 in the evening weeding in the rain? You bet. Body bent like a z-bed? Just goes with the territory. I have dreams about climbers and ramblers, but that’s another story completely. But gracious, it has made me realise how much work keeping this house and garden takes and how much effort life takes if it is to be any more than run of the mill because take your eye off anything for just a minute and it all starts going backwards. But would I wish for anything else? Well sometimes, yes. Sometimes it would be nice to get up and actually have nothing to do other than grind some beans for coffee and read the newspaper but I know that I would only be content with that for a while (ok, regularly on Sundays maybe) and in the meantime I think the effort pays off.

How do you know what is important?

What strikes me, sitting here at my desk with the paraphernalia of my life around me is how carefree I felt on my Namibia trip, despite everything. I think I was carefree because I had no more than the basics and was not in any position to change that (try as I might). We start life in that mode and then somehow we learn that various things are ‘desirable’. I am as guilty, if not more so, than many people. Having a large house, a nice car and a good income appeared to be the things to strive for as proof of ‘success’ and I’ve pretty much lived that way for the last twenty years. Perhaps even more so as a single women it has seemed important to show that I can exist in my own right not just at the average level but on a level that competes with those around me to whom I compare myself (silly, silly mistake) and these are mostly men. But does my life have meaning? It had significant meaning, at one point, when I thought that I had succeeded in winning (interesting word don’t you think) everything I wanted but which turned out, in the way of things, to be no more than a mirage and which disappeared before my very eyes and with as little trace. And so I’ve filled that vacuum, that empty space, with activity and in mitigation of my choice much of which has had merit (not for me the vacuity of shopping) and yet I still vacillate. But between what? Between the drive for high achievement and the need to just stop and let someone else take care of me for a change. But the risk of the latter choice is great and the outcome unpredictable and so I chose the path of least resistance which strange as it might seem continues to be independence, both emotionally and financially. I believe that we have to supply the meaning to our own life, to be active in our decision making, not passive, and to do things for ourselves. It is not the way to an easy life, only a worthwhile one and it is up to us as individuals to decide what really matters and what we want to make of our life with those 254,360 hours we have going. Involvement and fulfillment. It all sounds so very easy but I still haven’t decided which nevertoolate activity to do next. And they say indecision is fatal, so really I’m buggered.

Not quite back in the zone

Did you know that we only live about 650,000 hours in total? And that’s if you manage to keep you and your wits together and go beyond our three score years and ten. Deduct the amount of time we spend sleeping (219,000) and the hours we spend as a minor being told what to do by our parents (93,440) and the time we spend at work (83,200) then that leaves us just 254,360 hours to do all the stuff we need to do that will allow us to reflect back, come the Day of Judgement (or whatever), and decide our life has indeed been more than just a minuscule and random blip in the history of the universe.

The last two weeks will not, in my case, significantly contribute to the overall legacy I hope to leave. I have gone to bed early, I have got up late and I have taken lunch-breaks. I have also spent more hours than I care to calculate on my knees in the garden attempting to coax/bully/manipulate my herbaceous borders back into something that resembles an English country garden rather than tropical rain forest. Until yesterday I did not appear to be winning the War of the Roses but this morning as I stood in my nightie looking out of my bedroom window surveying the garden from my superior vantage point (trying not to scare the neighbours in the process, I don’t want house prices to drop any more than they have already) I realised that all the physical damage I had sustained was indeed worth the effort. Though I am slightly embarrassed to go to the pool to train as I have so many scratches and cuts on my forearms I look like I’ve been self-harming. I also have a skip in my drive that is increasingly looking like it’s not up to the job.

I sat in my conservatory last night pondering on the stuff of life and trying to shake myself out of the lethargy that has overtaken me since I got back. My NeverTooLate list is beckoning and I need to pick back up with my swimming/flying/shooting/tennis but still I feel like some personal gravitational force is holding me down and so I am exploring the strange sensation of not doing anything for a little while. I don’t suppose this state will last – I like having a busy and interesting life – but in the meantime I will stay with it and even the state of my en-suite is not lifting me from the sofa.

Onwards and upwards

Whilst my adventures in Namibia might have somewhat missed the spot, I'm looking forward to tackling the rest of my list some of which I am sure will blow my mind.  Being a pragmatist at heart - and that's a good thing, given my first nevertoolate experience - I am not convinced that dwelling too long on anything is good for the soul.  Sure, we need to muse a while, sit back and momentarily reflect on what life throws at us, afterall what are four hour bus rides for, but I am not convinced that the inclination that some people have to dissect and analyse their every movement, utterance and interaction really does them much good in the long run.  Live life, do good, don't do harm. And we all know, actually, what constitutes right from wrong.  What makes the ones you care about or love happy, is right.  What makes them unhappy or undermines their confidence is wrong. If you can't get that or won't get that, it means you don't want to.

Anyway, I survived Namibia, intact.  I am home.  And jolly happy I am to.  What the trip has made me realise, amongst other things, is that England is a green and pleasant land and whatever is happening in the economy and the world at large, we are lucky with our lot.  Life has its ups and downs, its peaks and troughs, its times of feast and famine. But however our life has panned out, then it is the life we want or the life we think we deserve.  Because, whatever the situation, whatever the difficulty, the pressure, the problem, there is always choice.  We just have to sit down and think about it and then to do something about it. I read a magazine article a little while ago, I don't remember who it was written by, but there was a box at the bottom of it that gave some advice and so I cut it out and stuck it on my office wall at eye level.  This is what it said, listen up. 

1. Know what you want

2. Know why you want it

3. Know when you want it by

4. Write it down

5. Know the price (I don't necessarily think it means monetary)

6. Pay it     

The article made the observation that it seems easy but I agree that if you are thinking that, then you are underestimating the power of simplicity for achieving great things.  It takes focus and commitment to have the life you want and a person of even greater integrity and morale standing to do it whilst delivering on the commitments you have made to those other people in your life who love you and depend on you.  But I digress from the main theme of this blog though morale standing and personal integrity is a worthy and just subject.  This blog is about the adventures of the NeverTooLate Girl and the next adventure is beckoning.  So, here's my choice:

It’s Never Too Late to....

1. Learn to fly 
2. Learn to shoot 
3. Have a personal shopper day
4. Fly to NY and have a hot dog on Fifth/go to Macys/stay at The Plaza
5. Have a date with a toy boy (my personal favourite)
6. Do a sky dive
7. Eat at The Ivy
8. Drive a Lamborgini/Ferrari/Maserati
9. Climb a mountain (I’m planning Everest for my 50^th)
10. Have a spa weekend
11. Write a book
12. Get a detox
13. Read War & Peace
14. Go on a demonstration for something you believe in
15. Attend a Premier in Leicester Square
16. Go to Royal Ascot
17. Meet the Queen
18. Get cosmetically enhanced
19. Learn a language
20. Make money from doing something you love

An eclectic mix and not at all definitive.  So what are your ideas? Share them with me and the world and then let's do them together.

Never Too Late Rating for Bushman Medical Volunteer

5 – you can’t miss this, MAKE IT HAPPEN

4 – fab experience worth the time and money

3 – you may get something out of it

2 – not worth taking time out for

1 – take this off your list

OVERALL RATING FOR THIS EXPERIENCE 2/5

• Would I recommend this as a NeverTooLate experience for someone like me? No
• Would I recommend this as a NeverTooLate experience for anyone? Maybe a final year med student or newly qualified doctor with an interest in GP work.